I never have been very brave.
I dog-sat for a summer and was
afraid of the dog. I sat on the very top of the couch (like where cats sit, yes,
way up there) when I saw it coming towards me. This happened for weeks. Watching a movie was near impossible, believe me.
I haven't been in a Haunted House
since third grade, and I remember that experience vividly enough to last me a
lifetime. I will not do anything that has the remotest possibility of making me
nauseous. Roller coasters, Ferris Wheels, tall buildings, cliff jumping. No. Absolutely not.
And wouldn't you
know, somewhere after leaving a basketball game because the mascot was getting
too close, (yes, the mascot, absolutely terrified of those things too) I decided I would like to stop
living like this.
So I dug up a dream a fearless little
girl had. Nine year old me believed whole-heartedly she would step out and see
the world. Not just see it, actually she wanted to experience it, to touch it
in a way only she could. Me at age nine, convicting me at age twenty-one.
So, I unclenched my hands one day
and said okay, let’s see the world.
And lo and behold, this mandatory brave thing started kicking in. I don’t even have a choice anymore, my plane ticket is booked.
In one month I'm
going to cling to my mom, probably with a lot of tears, and let her go. I’m
going to bear hug my dad, and walk away with the most outfits and chocolate I can fit into
two suitcases.
I'm going to leave my America. Leave my
comfortable room, in my comfortable house, a part of my comfortable life. And
do something extremely out of my comfort zone. I'm going to hop on a plane and cross a huge
ocean and go learn things in a gigantic city with a lot of gorgeous lights and
bridges and trains. (According to Pinterest.)
It's going to be hard.
It's going to be beautiful.
Beautiful is learning how to rap my
arms around people I can’t always understand, with their thick accents and a different
word for pants and cookie. Listening to their hearts and their stories and
growing as my worldview grows. To soak in views I've never witnessed before.
Being able to thrive in a spot where I have absolutely no clue what I’m doing.
To taste a culture I've only read about. To be able to open my eyes and see
things differently because I have lived differently.
And to accomplish the
obvious goal of successfully saying “water bottle” with my new and improved British
accent. That will be a good day. That will be a great day.
I
refuse to let this experience not change me. I will be different. In the best ways,
I will have learned more about how to live fully, more about how to love all
people well, more about how to unclench my hands and step out.
I will know a little bit better about what it means to be
brave.
But just so you know, you don't have to leave a country to be brave. You can be brave in whatever you do. Go ahead, be brave. Unclench your hands and see what happens. I know you will absolutely not, no way no how, be left with emptiness.
You will be met and it will be beautiful.
You, me, let's be adventurers.
(Also, I will probably do embarrassing things over there in London. I'm hoping none too detrimental, but feel free to follow my adventures. I'll be taking a million pictures and telling you all about it, no doubt.)
